同学你好，该知识点来自沪江网校《Hitalk 外教1V1口语360课时》的课程，想要更系统的学习，欢迎进入课程学习。不仅可以和更多的同学一起学习，而且还有老师、助教随时的学习指导和知识点解答哦。

同学您好，
没有什么大语病，但是逻辑方面还有所欠缺。
IT technology is leading our's modern life. However, youngsters who love movie star or singer prefer to use smartphone to get close to them rather traditional culture of their own.
这两句话为什么用however联系呢？
in the following paragraph.-> in the following paragraphs.

With the developing of economy, Chinese people deeply noticed the differences that causing the country behind developed ones.->With the development of economy, the Chinese people have deeply noticed the various differences that cause the country to lag behind.
但是这句话跟前一句总起的：Another reason is fashion. 也没有逻辑上的联系。

泛泛的、普遍的情况，不用加定冠词指代，注意名词形式、拼写： In the other word, young's experience of following foreign culture is from thepassive acceptionto thepositive persuit.-> In the other word, young's experience of following foreign culture is from  passive acceptance to positive pursuit.

不要用no way，太强烈而且很不正式。we have no way ->We can't ignore
Firstly, we have no way to ignore the background nowadays. Patriotism could not be a flag about this issue. “不能忽略这个问题，爱国不是这个问题的旗帜”是这个意思嘛？助助认为这个不能算是一个建议哈.....
这一段同学其实都在讲自己的想法或者看法，而不是suggestion（建议、提议）。
建议提议是说对于这个问题，你觉得能提出哪些方法来解决。
Media and school have responsibility to popularize our own culture with and... more in future.这一段改一改，加一下简单的例子可能可以：
比如第一句：Media and school have responsibility to popularize our own culture with an interesting method. ->Media and school have responsibility to popularize our own culture with an interesting method. For example,official media like CCTV 1 can broadcast some cartoons to introduce our traditional  culture.

建议同学先列一个outline，避免跑题哦~

希望有帮上同学哦~