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同学好：
作文修改如下，请参考——
... where less than 100 villagers lived for ages.
residences 表示“住宅”；populate 是及物动词，如果用它，前面不能用where 引导从句；建议换成准确、通俗的词villagers 和lived。
... a church. There was a clock which used to strike the hours day and night ... People thought it would never stop.
留意大小写；后面这句里是“钟”发出strike 的动作；用定语从句来限定clock；注意断句；thought 后面用过去将来时更符合语境。
... repaired, because they got to hearing 【后面这部分句意不通】...
加上连词，这里才可以整合为一句话；used to 后面可以改成：... got used to the clock telling them the time.
Armed with a torch, the vicar ...
第一次提到torch，用a。
Until then, people ...
留意大小写。
A bee keeperwho had very rich experience on how to handle the bees was called.
调整一下定语从句的位置；experience 表示“经验”，是不可数名词。
The bee keeper’s plan was quite simple. He only needed to ..., and then ...  would follow.
fix 不修饰plan；留意断句和连词；上下文时态要一致。
... village. The whole process ...
留意断句。
People saw the bee keeper remove the ... that was a very big ... hive.
see sb. do 表示“看到某人做某事的全过程”。
The other bees ... into the hive ...
这里hive 表示特指，前面加the。
After the honey and wax was removed, the clock was clean. It started working again. Hooray!
after 后面用removing 的话，语法逻辑不通，remove 这个动作不是the clock 发出的，因此改为被动语态的句子；后面用clean 强调状态，now 去掉；最后一句说“它又开始工作了”更恰当，这里不强调“它当时正在工作”，根据语境仔细选择时态。最后留意hooray 的拼写。

祝学习愉快！