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能否帮助改下作文?谢谢

网校学员乌冬啊**在学习英语专业四级(TEM4)备考【随到随学班】时提出了此问题,已有1人帮助了TA。

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同学你好,该知识点来自沪江网校《英语专业四级(TEM4)备考【随到随学班】》的课程,想要更系统的学习,欢迎进入课程学习。不仅可以和更多的同学一起学习,而且还有老师、助教随时的学习指导和知识点解答哦。

同学好
Presently, whether star reality shows should be decreased has been a frequent topic of discussion(头重脚轻,改下语序). The primary reason for(for后面不能加句子,语法错误) a growing number of people are beginning to support to reduce star reality shows(谓语动词过于累赘,建议改下) is that they believe the universal entertainment will play a bad role in people’s behavior.
  As for my perspective(perspective是指看问题的角度,这里应该使用opinion之类的词语), i (注意大写)agree with reducing the (删掉the)star reality shows. Because most potential audiences of reality shows is (应该使用动词复数,语法错误)students. While student (名词复数,语法错误)build their own world view(世界观一般是view of the world), they heavily rely on what they see or what they listen (listen是不及物动词,后面应该加to,语法错误),so they need (a,注意名词的单复数)correct standpoint to instruct them.
(分段有问题)  For instance, there are many shows about celebrity dating in China. Some of (删掉of)honor guests put emphasis on craving luxury life and money instead of working hard or fostering aesthetic sense. If this type of shows be(不能直接使用be动词原形,语法错误) watched for a long time, the consequence is that(把the consequence is that全部删掉,太累赘) students(是未来的事情,或者说是你设想的结果,不是已经发生的事情,所以最好不要使用完成时态) have developed a concept that the luxury life is their top priority and other qualities such as love and pity are considered unimportant. But we also should not reject all the (删掉the)star reality shows due to the quickening (quickening换成其他的形容词就好)pace of life, imposing tremendous pressure on individuals, so we can release ourselves by enjoying valuable shows(这两句话的逻辑联系十分松散,建议都改一下).
  There is nothing wrong with that the (that和the都删掉)star reality shows. The fault is  (is这个动词使用不恰当,改成belongs to等词比较好)people  (后面不能直接加句子,语法错误,改成people who)spread distorted values by using the (删掉the,改成those之类的指示代词)shows. As for me ,i(注意大写) think highly of reducing some low-level shows.But the most necessary(形容词后面面要加名词的,语法错误) is that(that改成to) enhance people’s ability of appreciating(appreciate是及物动词,后面必须要加东西的,属于语法错误). We don’t need to worry about universal entertainment will exert(a,注意单复数) bad influence on people's behavior while there is no market of harmful shows.(最后一句逻辑关系不明显,注意一下)
总体而言同学的写作比较差,语法、逻辑、篇章和细节方面都有问题,还是需要多练习
希望有所帮助

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